Couple sex: is it overrated?

“I have been married for 15 years, as they say. But every time I say “luckily” out loud, I wonder if I really fit into that category or if I’m just kidding myself. It’s not that I’m not happy, it’s not that.

My husband and I met at work. It wasn’t love at first sight, it was a slow and steady love, until after two years we decided to move in together, then get married and have kids. These 15 years with him were vertiginous, they passed very quickly between education, change of country, illnesses and professional projects. Everything happened to us and we survived it. Sometimes everything happens so fast that we never stop to think about who we are. And maybe this reflection is a bit about that.

With my husband we are very close, we laugh together, we talk, we have the same values, very similar perspectives on life. When I think of him, I project myself until we’re old, traveling together, fixing the house, having parties, enjoying with our kids, maybe grandkids. Any plans, I guess the younger generation should consider a brake. I don’t know, that’s my subject, because with my husband, except in the first two years of the relationship, we were never one of those expressively in love and passionate couples, explorers of sexuality, who make love five times per week or I no longer know what the expected parameter will be. No. On the contrary, our sexual life is rather monotonous and sparse.

Since the birth of my first daughter (we have 4), my sexual desire has dropped a lot. Then the others arrived and I feel like it’s never been the same again, I’ve never been the same again. Although I was never a big sex bomb, of course, in my twenties I was more active and preoccupied with sex. Today, on the contrary, it is not a priority for me. More and more I think sex is overrated, not so important in life and not so important in a relationship. But it’s not something I discuss with my friends, because they will surely tell me that we are wrong. Be? I don’t know. I just know that if given the choice between having a passionate and active sex life with another or staying where I am now, I’d rather stay here. I’m fine like this, I don’t need more. Will it be wrong?

I don’t feel bad about it, in fact I’m fine. But I don’t know if my husband is really satisfied. We always have this fear with men, that they ‘need’ sex, as if they have an uncontrollable impulse that if they don’t have it in their partner, they will look for it elsewhere. At first he suffered a lot from it, he had a kind of anxiety with high sexual frequency and I always felt exhausted. We had several arguments about this. He said I gave up and only cared about our kids, and he was probably right. Sometimes I did it just to obey, without much desire, but then I thought “that’s not right” and stopped doing it.

Over the years I think his sex drive has gone down as well and now we’re at this point where we’re really enjoying the life we ​​have together we’ve created a really nice core but we don’t have a sex life like That Wow, stunning. In fact, the frequency of our sexual encounters is very low, like once every two or three months or so.

My fear is that the idea of ​​what they’re showing us is supposed to be ‘happily married’, or at least what I see in romantic movies is these couples waking up kissing and despite the years having regular and sustained sexual relations. And, on the contrary, when they show in the cinema a couple who are wrong or about to separate, they show them sexually monotonous.

Is it really necessary to have such a spectacular and frequent sex life to be happy as a couple? Sometimes I discuss it with my husband and we also wonder if it’s normal or not, but we continue together, go ahead. The only thing that scares me is that what also happens in these romantic films will happen to us: that one day a younger “other” will arrive, that she will be a sex bomb, and that is also far as this dream goes, our project together and our life together. I hope it’s not like that.”

Karol is 47 years old and is a nurse.