Is it a craze or an obsession? These are the keys to identifying it, according to specialists

If you have written this article, it is because you are probably asking yourself this question or that it has arisen at least once in your life. It’s not surprising. Cinema, music, theater, poetry and literature are just some of the disciplines that throughout history have addressed issues such as romantic love and the couple relationships .

The famous “butterflies in the stomach”, constantly thinking about another person and frequently wanting to be close to them are common factors to hear when someone pretends to be in love

But, When do typical actions often considered “romantic” become signs of obsession?

in conversation with The third , specialists in the field of Mental Health and romantic relationships detail the factors you should consider to avoid falling into toxic or harmful scenarios.

Definitions may vary depending on the historical and cultural moment, but the doctor of psychology and author of the book There’s No One Way to Love: Thoughts on Romantic Love (2022), Carolina Aspillaga, explains that “There is some agreement that what happens (in emotional terms) in the first moments you are in a relationship is called falling in love” .

“There are also authors who speak of a transition between this phase of falling in love (that initial moment when you get to know someone) and what would it be when there is already a more consolidated relationship and all those physiological reactions that the body has at the beginning are not present with such force what we traditionally mean as “butterflies in the stomach”.

On the other hand, the academic of the School of Psychology of the Adolfo Ibáñez University, Fernanda Díaz, adds that falling in love “has many elements of idealization of each other”, which does not necessarily pass through a “deep knowledge” .

This is why, according to the specialist, generally tend to avoid negative aspects of the person you are attracted to.

“There are people who do this more and others who are more realistic and who do it less” Add.

Both experts agree that It’s normal to constantly think and want to share with someone when you feel attracted to them, but there are a number of situations that can be signs of obsessive behavior. .

Aspillaga lists several of them, which They could occur both before a potential relationship and at the beginning of it. .

“There is nothing wrong with having a desire for closeness, The problem becomes when I start, for example, to stop doing my personal activities, my interests and I postpone my life by adjusting it and accommodating it to that of the other person “, underlines the specialist.

Although it is normal that the opinion of the person you are attracted to matters, Aspillaga says that if there is an overreliance on their approval, “we also speak of a limit that begins to be crossed” .

Added to this is the case where, for example, this person “has given you signs that they are not interested and you insist and do not listen or validate the refusal” .

“Afterwards, If you repeatedly insist on it, we already move on to obsessive and also more harassing behaviors “warns Aspillaga.

Regarding these points, he describes that “the problem is when all the rest of my life becomes meaningless and the only important center has to do with this person constantly trying to please him or gain his approval.

Along with this, Díaz details that “usually people who are obsessed with someone are really looking for something to avoid suffering (…) so basically the other represents someone who helps you not to contact what makes you suffer” .

On certain occasions, It is complex to realize that you are going through such moments, since according to Aspillaga, “you are very aware of the situation” .

Even so, certain steps can be taken to deal with this scenario, in addition to turning to a mental health professional to assess each case.

One of them is ask close friends (friends, family, etc.) how they see you about the relationship or potential relationship .

“It can help,” suggests Aspillaga, while the UAI academic adds that “It is important that they look for personal activities, interests and motivations to develop that do not involve this person” .

On this last point, the author of the book There’s no way to love leans on this a partner or potential partner should not be “the only important link” .

“It’s not healthy”, he points out, “because it also induces high expectations and/or demands” .

“Besides, inevitably with these expectations (that the other person will meet your emotional and emotional needs) at some point you are going to be disappointed because people can’t give everything to the other person, it just can’t be done”.

Below this line, sentence: “The more you idealize yourself, the more you risk being disappointed” .

Notably It is always advisable to consult a specialist to assess each particular situation. .