Raising with post-traumatic stress: “It’s a bond that gives you the opportunity to heal your painful memories”

When she became pregnant with her daughter, Astrid May (29) started talking about his fears in therapy. Some were trivial, like those that usually accompany motherhood: she was afraid of not doing it well enough or that something would happen to her baby. Others came from a darker place. She was afraid that her daughter would be ashamed of her story or that something similar to what she experienced in her childhood would happen to her. Also, to disassociate herself – disconnect her mind from present reality – while she took care of herself.

Astrid’s torments had their roots in her childhood, during which she suffered multiple forms of abuse. And her fears about motherhood were part of the diagnosis she received as an adult: Post-traumatic stress (PTSD) and dissociative identity disorder. “My fears were based on traumatic thoughts, they weren’t real because I was never going to allow anything like me to happen to my daughter, I was going to pay attention to the signs,” she says. “I was afraid of not being able to take care of her, of not being autonomous in motherhood,” she adds.

Once associated with veterans, PTSD is a disorder characterized by inability to recover from a frightening or traumatic event. And while the perception of trauma varies depending on how each person experiences an event, there is a consensus that it is a fact that goes beyond common experience, says Rodrigo Gillibrand, psychiatrist, academic at the Faculty of Medicine of the University of Chile. and President of the Chilean Traumatic Stress Association. “Three main elements are mentioned: exposure or threat of death, exposure or threat of serious injury and exposure to unwanted or violent sexual experiences,” he explains.

People who are often diagnosed with post-traumatic stress unwittingly reliving those traumatic memories by thoughts, feelings, images or nightmares. They avoid people, places or situations that remind them of what happened and are often in a permanent state of hypervigilance.

Although it is an often invisible and even underdiagnosed disorder, over time the importance of being recognized and treated has become clearer. However, little is said about impact that post-traumatic stress can have on parenthood.

“There are spaces where the subject is not broached, either out of ignorance or to avoid a painful or taboo subject. In none of these cases, making the problem invisible contributes to making it more difficult to prevent, mitigate and treat its sequelae”, explains Rodrigo Figueroa, a psychiatrist expert in traumatology at the Catholic University.

A gynecological check-up, an ultrasound, breastfeeding.

For Astrid, many events related to her pregnancy could cause her to feel anxious, to be transported to a painful past that has returned to the present. “My fears before I got pregnant were all about gynecology, which is super invasive. There are triggering themes and I had to work through them as they came up,” he says “For me, it was important that the gynecologist be a woman, for example. Also enter accompanied to all requests,” he adds.

This life cycle can lead to reliving forgotten experiences or intensifying memories of childhood and the relationship one had with one’s parents, says Gillibrand. “It can be very distressing, generating crises and the development of pathologies that were previously ‘under control'”, he adds.

The situations and dynamics that occur during parenthood, Figueroa explains, they can act as destabilizers in a traumatized person. “We have heard of women who have been deeply decompensated when they find out during pregnancy that the baby they are carrying is female, because the fact that she is female fuels fears that her partner may abuse her the same way they were abused by their parents when they were girls,” she says.

However, experts agree that parenthood can be an opportunity to leave the trauma behind. “Many people verify that the traumatic experiences they have had should not be repeated if they are surrounded by figures of care and love,” says Figueroa.

“I never thought in my childhood that I could be a happy person. Trauma is not a factor that hinders your education, it always accompanies you and It helps if you do therapy and sit down at the table and you invite him for a little tea. This is a topic that cannot be ignored,” says Astrid.

For Astrid, it didn’t happen by magic, or automatically. The fears, in a way, were still there. Trauma too. But holding her daughter gave her the belief that her motherhood was not going to be a threat and that accompanying him in his childhood could, in a way, give him back his own.

“It’s a bond that heals you and gives you the opportunity to heal traumatic memories. Through healing, you realize how your upbringing should have been or how the love your parents had for you should have been. Grace to this you heal and you realize that you have no responsibility Applying an education based on respect you also realize that you are capable of having these bonds, that you are not incapable of loving and being loved” said.

“When I play with my daughter, I really play like a girl. I give myself the opportunity to play everything that I couldn’t play at that age, being calm and safe. It’s a very calming space,” he adds.

Therapy is essential for people who have suffered traumatic events to experience a healthy upbringing. Many studies “show difficulties in infant attachment systems and that they may even be the basis for the transgenerational transmission of damage when they have not been sufficiently addressed and trauma work n wasn’t done,” says Gillibrand.

Experts recommend a psychotherapy with a trained trauma therapist. “He must be able to work with the patient on the most complex experiences a person can have, recognize them and take care of himself in the process. The therapy must focus on the trauma, for this there are many therapeutic models that have proven effective,” explains Gillibrand.

“In therapy, I realized that by working on my trauma, you could empower the next generation. which otherwise would not be achieved. My daughter today is super confident and happy, no one would suspect that she has a mother with such a critical diagnosis,” says Astrid.

For this, Astrid worked with her therapist to separate the past from the present. Identify whether their fears were about something that was happening right now or something that had already happened. “The key to surviving those flashbacks or intrusive thoughts is to always make that separation,” he says.

Whether or not a person’s experiences with trauma heal It will also depend on social support, affection, love and care from family and friends. explains Figueroa.

“When I’m feeling down, I reach out to my support network. I live near them. It’s essential for someone growing up with PTSD to have trusted support, someone who can help you in these situations or when you’re going through tough dates. We are preparing for September 18, for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day. We make a plan and we anticipate. With that, motherhood becomes a little friendlier” Astrid said.