Change lanes on a quiet street, send the location to our friends while we’re in a taxi or calculate how long it will take us to collect the house keys at night. All of these actions are a response to fear, an emotion that women have historically experienced and that we use as a form of self-care. But fear also leads to anger, an anger that mobilizes and is essential to achieve change. Here, four women reflect on this emotion.
It was nearly seven o’clock in the evening on a winter’s day. There was still natural light, and the utility poles and business premises signs completely lit Providencia Street where she was waiting for an Uber. As he followed the driver’s route on the phone, he heard a loud noise, a babbling very close to his ear that he could not identify: he was a man of about forty. He seemed drunk and drugged. He stood talking to her incoherently for several minutes. She didn’t move because the app claimed her Uber was three minutes away. Canceling the trip didn’t seem like an option at the time because she was late for her next destination.
Among so many inconsistencies the man said: suddenly heard: You’re afraid of me? yes you are afraid of me followed by You are cute, like a little princess . She just looked in the opposite direction, waiting for the car to pick her up soon and at the same time protecting her cell phone and her things in case the guy wanted to steal her. The man said again You’re afraid of me. And CiaoAnd he left.
It was the second time in her life that a man had asked her on the public highway, in broad daylight, if she was afraid of him.
She was scared, because fear is still there, even after decades of struggle and conversations meant to reassure us.
Experiencing fear as an alert response
“I lived many episodes of bullying. The first one I’m aware of is maybe when I was eight years old. The characteristics of these situations change, but the feeling of fear is quite similar when you are an adult, a girl or an adolescent,” explains Carola Fernández, psychologist and sexologist.@carola.fernandezn )
“However, it was when I was 12 that the situation in which I felt the most fear of my life occurred. He lived two blocks from the school. With a friend we went to lunch at my house and on the way back to school a van passed with about ten men behind. They looked like master builders. They started persecuting us and shouting at us that they were going to rape us, that they were going to kill us. We ran and ran. My parents always warned me that these things could happen and in this case I had to ring the first bell of the first house I found and I did, but I was so scared I couldn’t ring it, but to move and knock on the door of a house. It was a classmate’s house, her mom took me in and helped me calm down. The men left, but I felt my life was in danger “, he says.
Experiences like these, Carola says, made her pay more attention to that emotion. “I think it is necessary that we believe in the fear that we feel. Well, sometimes it’s the compass that we have to believe in ourselves and protect ourselves from something more serious.
Constanza Bustamante (27) is a journalism student. She says the first time she got scared was also while walking down the street alone, when she was 12 or 13. “I was going to buy bread and I had to pass by a corner where there were several men standing. I knew they were going to tell me something and they did. That’s when the fear kicked in, because after that experience, every time I walked past a block where there were men, I knew it was a possibility of feeling harassed. Even now, as a grown woman, sometimes when I walk down a lonely street, I think of that scene I went through as a teenager and I’m scared,” she says.
In the case of Natalia Figueroa (35), an audiovisual worker, she learned that when traveling alone, fear is a defense mechanism that activates almost automatically and allows her to be alert. “While they were traveling, they stole my wallet and all my documents. I was crying in the street, in a state of maximum vulnerability, in a country I didn’t know, because I didn’t even have the money to go back to the hotel. A car pulled up next to me and a guy offered to help take me to my hotel. When we were in the car, I realized he was drifting out of the way ; It was as if he was taking me to a lonely place. He took advantage of me and my vulnerability in the most disgusting way,” she recalled.
“I think that there is no woman who has not experienced a situation of harassment or in which she has not felt a danger. The first time I felt fear was when I was 13. I was walking down the street with a friend and a car drove by and started following us. There was a man inside who was telling us things. We started running and the car followed us. Suddenly the car stopped and we were paralyzed. This person handed me some sort of card. My friend kept running and I was paralyzed, unable to do anything,” recalls Pía Urrutia (@lapsicologafeminista) Cidem psychologist and feminist activist.
“Fear is a super basic and very protective emotion and the response is more instinctual, like freezing, for example, which is also a protective response. We have been taught to identify many emotions, such as grief and fear. We live in a world that constantly threatens women, yet we are taught to take care of ourselves without keeping an eye on society. Most of us women know what to do in a situation in which we are afraid; but we don’t explain to children why they can pose a threat to others,” he says.
unite anger
“I felt a lot of anger after situations that scared me. Once a guy on a bike hit me on the street. At that time, I was scared, I couldn’t do anything, but after two days, I felt a terrible feeling of rage. I wanted to grab him and yell at him. And that, I almost always answer in the street. I said things like, what are you looking at, fool?
Natalia Figueroa, meanwhile, admits to having a more passive personality. “I don’t like to impose myself too much, raise my voice and set limits, it’s hard for me. But with men, I always tried to do that. I studied it in myself and offered to do it. When I do, I always check that there are people around so I don’t expose myself too much in the sense that they might mistreat me. What remains after saying nothing in a situation like this is precisely anger and I have verified this several times. My principle now is always to react and try to speak,” he said.
It is necessary to generate conversations at home, with friends, with the men around us. Giving voice to the obvious, to the fear we feel, to the feeling of vulnerability.
“We become feminists by necessity”, Pía Urrutia emphasizes and adds: “To be aware of the injustice that a certain part of society, women and dissidents, live in fear is very unfair. I campaign a lot for social change, by raising awareness among men, but also by creating support networks. I have a very established thing with my friends to let us know when we’re coming home from a meeting. We are vigilant, because we know that we are in a world where threats are numerous. The solution is not to stop being afraid, but to see what to do to feel safe”.
“We cannot predict what our responses will be. I think you can learn to read situations. Society views fear as a bad thing. We have always heard expressions like “don’t be paralyzed by fear”. I don’t think you have to leave it to detect threats and listen to them. And more than wondering if it’s worth being a protester or not, we have to think about why we want to respond, and that’s because there is an injustice and with injustices, we have to do something”, completes Pía.
“I think that after having lived through a complex situation, it is important see how we reinhabit this space , either looking for support, companionship, etc., but let us in no way lose this freedom to inhabit the world. There, we all have the responsibility to give it relevance and welcome the voice of every woman who has just experienced violence . It is necessary to generate conversations at home, with friends, with the men around us. Giving voice to the obvious, to the fear we feel, to the feeling of vulnerability. It is important for people to find out how these experiences are lived, which can be traumatic,” adds Carola Fernández.
And break with the pacts of silence between men. “When someone witnesses harassment, most of them don’t dare to tell their friend, another man, that this attack is not right. Men also have the task of daring to raise their voices, of ceasing to enroll in pacts of silence; dare to stand out and lose friendships, because these losses are minimal compared to the defense of a human being,” she adds.
“It’s very powerful power of collective complaint It is crucial to talk about these issues because when it comes to opening We know we are not the only ones and they will believe us. I believe that, just as fear protects us, anger is a necessary and noble emotion today because we have long been deprived of it. Owning anger is owning a fundamental part of our mental health. When we feel angry, it’s probably because we’ve already gotten carried away in some way. That’s where I read that anger is the emotion that loves us the most. And yes, it’s the friend who tells you “don’t allow it”. It is an emotion very faithful to self-defense. You have to know how to mobilize it so that it heals for us, but this anger cannot remain within us”, concludes Carola.
Source: Latercera
I am David Jack and I have been working in the news industry for over 10 years. As an experienced journalist, I specialize in covering sports news with a focus on golf. My articles have been published by some of the most respected publications in the world including The New York Times and Sports Illustrated.
