When I told work that I was pregnant, I felt fear and guilt.

“Ever since I found out I was pregnant, my biggest worry has always been how I was going to announce it at work. I had been preparing for weeks, it was a subject that tormented me. I had been there less than a year and I was very afraid of how my bosses and peers would react.

I have had a successful professional career as a publicist, holding senior positions, and I’ve been putting off motherhood for years because I always thought it would affect my career. I constantly felt like it wasn’t the right time to start a family, either because I had been promoted, or because I had just changed jobs, or because I had a boss who, I knew it, wouldn’t understand. All these doubts have always been part of me, until I got pregnant and had no choice but to deal with it.

Continue reading more of Paula’s notes on pregnancies

The whole month before saying it, I was psychologically preparing myself for different scenarios. I wanted to be ready, so that no reaction would surprise me. This headache brought me a lot of stress, because obviously we put ourselves in the worst possible scenarios so that, faced with this, we don’t come out too affected. It is a method of defense.

We always hear thousands of stories from friends and acquaintances who had to go through unpleasant moments when they announced that they would be mothers. or that they give them responsibilities so that they can prepare everything before leaving for postnatal care, so I was very afraid of my boss’s reaction. I thought I might encounter phrases like “I wish you’d wait a little longer”, or “you’ve been here less than a year”, or a simple cold “ok”, which would result in some sort of implicit punishment within the company.

When I was exactly 12 weeks old, I went to tell him about it. I was anxious and nervous. I opened his office door early in the morning and told him we needed to talk. Then, bluntly, I told him: “I’m waiting for a bus. » To my surprise, his reaction was super positive and supportive. He congratulated me, with a hug and everything.

It was the only scenario I hadn’t put myself in, so after all that stress, my reaction was to cry really hard. This crying surprised her, so she started telling me that she was happy with my work, that there was nothing to worry about and that I should be happy because having a child was something something very important. I explained to him, through my tears, that I was crying because I was afraid that he would think that I was not committed to my work and I think that as a woman, she understood my anxiety. He told me right away that having a child was not going to affect my career. It was at that moment that I realized that this was actually the root of my anxiety.

How did I feel when I counted? It was a mixture of fear and guilt. As always, I thought it was not the best time to get pregnant, but now I see that this time does not really exist. This would never happen. I thought I was going to be judged for not waiting longer, and obviously my biggest worry is that my career is stagnating.

Until now, I have always prioritized my professional life, which has brought me positive results at work, but I have also seen my peers find themselves in “another category” of work when they were waiting for a bus. And I didn’t want to be in that situation. It’s contradictory, because all of this was also accompanied by a certain worry, because I really wanted to be a mother, and if I postponed it again, I risked finding myself without that option.

The combination of being successful professionally and being a good mother seems super complex to me. I think it’s possible, but I have the impression that in reality the career returns to its previous strength once the children grow up. I have no doubt that having a child changes your priorities and, although we have made progress as a society, the inevitable reality is that women continue to carry a greater burden when it comes to children. take care of the children.

I see my friends running to pick up their children from preschool or school or answering urgent calls because something happened. Unfortunately, a “successful” professional life often does not allow for this flexibility. It requires long hours, 24/7 availability, and having your first priority be work, and the truth is that I don’t see that the role of mother that I want for myself is compatible with this style of life, so I think that each time I am more convinced that I will have to postpone this “professional success”, as we understand it today.

It is unfair. In fact, it’s something I’ve talked about frequently with my husband since I was waiting for the bus. I am very struck by the stress that this represented for me at work, and for him it was too simple. When he told his boss, he never worried about the reaction, it was logical that it would be positive, however I tormented myself for a month, and we would both be equal parents. He shares this discomfort, he understands it.

I don’t really know what my perfect equation would be to continue my professional life as a mother. Now, since it is not yet born, I would say teleworking, but the truth is that my job is very demanding and I don’t know if I could spend the whole day in meetings and at the same time take care of a bus .

I think the key is flexibility, but a real one, where there is no judgment when asking permission to care for your child. Ultimately, I’ve always believed that when an employer gives you that trust and flexibility, you respond with a double commitment.

I also consider it relevant that men are given the same flexibility, so that we can support each other in the parenting process, because if a woman is judged for asking permission, in the case of men this understanding does not hardly exists. Likewise for the postnatal period, my husband does not have this option, and this is precisely something that would go a long way in leveling the playing field between men and women in the workplace.

As a country, we still have a long way to go in ensuring compatibility between motherhood and work, from the days when a professional woman did not fear getting pregnant for fear of losing her professional career – or having to postpone it – . , until the father does not fear being absent from his child’s life because he will not understand that it is his priority.

It’s been a while since this role of sole provider of father went out of fashion among the new generations, and it cost our parents and grandparents a lot of lives, so I think it’s necessary that this be a subject that we are talking. within companies and preached, with the example of management. There’s no point in bosses telling you they support you in the process, if when you see them, they’re staying in the office until 10 p.m. answering emails with three kids waiting at home. Or if you leave early because you have an emergency at home or if you request permission to telework one more day, it’s an “ok” and you will receive the bill later.