Why is it so difficult to talk about death?

A few days ago in Chile we celebrated Halloween and All Saints’ Day, the festivities of the year when it becomes a little more natural to talk about the dead, either to scare or to remember those who have already left.

But what happens the rest of the year?

In general, It’s hard for us humans to talk about it the death . Perhaps out of fear, out of anxiety or because of the negative connotation generally given to a process which, In reality, it is very natural and part of human existence.

— Death has been encapsulated in the world of religions and hospitals. Thus, in everyday life, it is associated with suffering, with pain, but not with a natural process of life -starts to explain to The third Matías Reeves, author of Memento Mori and founder of Mokita Project .

Reeves began to organize meetings open to the Chilean public, under the particular name of Cafés de la Muerte. In these, anyone who wants to talk about death can do so. SO, Sitting among several strange faces, people could express what in everyday life seems to be a taboo subject, which many find disastrous to discuss.

—“Why talk about death? This is a question we must not shy away from. It should be put at the center, because from there, we end up talking about death, forgiveness and life precisely.

Reeves assures that Life itself, technology, the development of cities and urbanization have made it less and less “natural” to talk about death.

—In rural areas, chickens and lambs are still killed for food. There is a very close death, however, today the dish arrives ready to the table. There are also past generations: before, grandparents said they had 14 brothers and sisters, but only six living, for example — says the civil engineer.

That’s to say, Having fewer close encounters with death makes it seem distant, uncertain, and makes normal conversation about it difficult.

Precisely, in an attempt to naturalize the discourse on death, Reeves founded the Mokita Project, an organization that brings together all the people who dare to do it, sit down in a cafe or bar so that with a glass of wine, Share the countless questions that can arise about death.

SO, The first step to getting rid of the negative connotation that we give to this process is to talk about it.

— That’s what happens to us in cafes. When we ask ourselves the question of how death is understood, a range of possibilities opens up (…) People come in with a lot of uncertainty and worry, but once they start sharing their experiences, they start to realize that it’s very natural. and the beauty of talking to strangers is that the conversation flows much more smoothly — assures Reeves LT.

For example, one woman, mother of adult children, who visited Death Cafés several times, was delighted with her experience and wanted to share it with her children. But the response was a door slam: “Oh mom! You’re going to get serious now. “You will leave us sad,” they replied.

That’s when he realizes that in reality, There are very few spaces where death is discussed as a daily subject.

Based on Reeves’ experience at Death Cafés – where attendees tend to average 45 years old, ranging from 18 to 82 – The motivations they generally have for talking about death are:

1. It is impossible to live fully without thinking about death.
2. Find explanations for what will happen after death.
3. Curiosity.
4. For the bereavement of children, parents or brothers and sisters.
5. Because there is no space to talk about it.
6. To alleviate fear.
7. To better care for your patients in the hospital.
8. To be in a state of health close to death.
9. For the sake of old age and a dignified death.

“Either simply because the subject is fascinating, or it was an impetus to register. The interests are so varied that this list doesn’t really do it justice. » the author wrote in Memento Mori, along with many other reasons why people were motivated to go to the meetings.

There are questions that sometimes we ask ourselves, and that we do not dare to share. How will I react to the death of my parents? What will I do when my beloved pet is no longer with me? When I die, will my friends upload me to their Instagram stories? How do I talk to my children about death?

Drawing on his experience, Matías Reeves attempts to answer all these questions in his book Memento Mori.

“I have already commented Starting to talk about death is a road of no return. Without realizing it either, taking this path made me hit my head again and again. Not only in my personal reflections, but especially in listening to others,” Reeves wrote about the meaning of life.

“Life is a complex subject that makes us reflect on our mortality and the search for meaning in it (…) It is death, in every Café de la Muerte that we organize, which tirelessly reminds us that to speak of it is to speak of life.

“To speak of death is to speak of life.”

*You can buy the Memento Mori book here and check when there will be a next Café de la Muerte here .