Who looks after the dog? Couples who separate but have pets together

“If you leave and I leave, who is left with?” » dog ?” Besides being a pleasant heartbreaking song Jesse and Joy is also a question that many couples who adopt or purchase pets may ask themselves when ending a relationship.

And that’s it It is increasingly common that instead of having children, people choose to welcome their family into a cat dog, turtle, hamster and any other pets with whom they form a strong emotional bond which can be put in danger after a breakup.

This is what happened to Ileana Arriagada, a 28-year-old girl who had been with her partner for almost two years and they made the decision to live together in an apartment. It was there that he was bitten by the cat adoption bug and, Although she wasn’t so enthusiastic – because she already had one at her mother’s house – she agreed on the condition that the cat belonged to her.

This is how Pepa came into their lives.

“Since working remotely, the kitten has started to get along more with me, especially because we adopted her when she was young,” says Ileana. The third.

But after a while, The relationship ended and both found themselves at a crossroads over who the cat would go with. This is a difficult, increasingly common decision, akin to parenting a son or daughter, as pets are increasingly important members of modern families. .

Who will Pepa the cat live with?

“The role pets play in couples without children and young people is often about emotional bonding and attachment” begins to explain L.T. the sociologist of University of Santiago de Chile (USACH) , Dante Castillo .

“And that results in a pet that also needs that attachment and requires constant social contact.” So what happens when I break up later? »

The expert recognizes that This situation can be compared to couples who have children and who separate. However, Chilean legislation has no answers for a custody trial, for example, so The only solutions that can be established are, very often, through words.

Ileana remembers that when they decided to end their relationship with her ex-partner, she became nervous, not knowing what would happen to the cat. Although she didn’t want to adopt him at first, she had spent so much time with Pepa that she couldn’t help but become attached.

They formed a unique bond and she knew Pepa had to stay with her.

“After the separation, I remained in the department. He told me he was considering moving to another city, as he has family up north, but the cat had to be flown (a stressful situation for felines), that where he was going to end up , there were already enough animals and it would not be a good environment for her” says the young woman LT.

For these reasons, Ileana realized that “I wasn’t going to give her the care that I give her, the time that I give her, so I told her I would keep her. At first he didn’t like my decision at all, because initially the cat was his.”

However, an important detail is that Pepa still did not have a microchip, so in the National Pet Registry It didn’t seem like anyone’s “property.” Ileana thought about registering it in her name so as not to have problems, however, They finally reached an agreement “in the right direction”.

Pepa stayed with her in Santiago, but Every month, his father gives him a bag of sand and a pot of Churu. “This is my way of garnering his support.” I buy him food and everything else, but he pays for the litter and vet bills. “That’s the verbal agreement we have.”

For the sociologistIn the absence of regulations, it is very important to agree on a care plan when deciding to adopt a pet, in order to avoid major problems in the future. Thus, both people agree to ensure the well-being and safety of the animal and to “maintain similar routines, feeding schedules, to be on the same page on all of this in the custody agreement (if it is to be shared, maintenance only, etc.). )”.

“Pet animals become a subject of law and are recognized as sentient beings. So this means that we have to restructure a relationship, maintain a connection with animals and find ways to communicate, to coordinate to provide the well-being that animals need.

And, with current legislation in Chile, Pets are considered “personal property”.

Castillo also offers the figure of a mediator who “facilitates communication when it becomes difficult. Maybe it could be a veterinarian, a specialist, who would even help therapeutically to facilitate decision-making and separation.”

As with any separation and detachment, people must experience grief which often becomes more complicated to overcome, especially when there is an emotional connection to a pet.

The sociologist explains that Each person has their own way of handling the situation: some may show more of their emotions, such as grief, while others prefer distance, which does not necessarily mean stopping loving the animal.

The sociologist, with the collaboration of specialists, identified that in these cases, Animals also suffer the consequences of the breakup. They are among themselves:

• Separation anxiety. “This is expressed when they chew furniture for example, or tear clothes, bark or meow outside of opening hours,” explains the expert.
• Lack or excess appetite. Some animals may become less active, lose interest in activities that previously excited them, and stop eating or, conversely, overeat due to anxiety caused by the changes.
• Aggression or excessive shyness. The specialist specifies that some animals can become apathetic, more irritable and exhibit aggressive behavior or, in other cases, become too shy and not want to socialize.

The response to these situations, whether on the part of humans or pets, depends on a series of factors, such as the length of their life together, the state in which the relationship ends and the ability to communicate and reach agreements.

For examplePepa the cat, every time she hears the elevator or the door, she thinks it’s her father coming and quickly goes to the door to wait for him. But it’s not always who is behind it.

Part of the deal Ileana made with him is that he gets to visit the cat from time to time. And even if he works and pays some kind of pension to his feline daughter, The young woman does not feel sure how long the word-of-mouth agreement will last.

“I feel like maybe in the future, or next year, something might happen, things might change and I wouldn’t know what to do.”

For the moment, even if there is no legislation governing it, Ileana and other young people will face uncertainty, just like Pepa, every time she hears the sound of the elevator in her building.