Female masturbation: debunking the myths

Javiera Henríquez, sexologist and graduate in human sexuality and sexual therapy, says that this is a very widespread myth. “Masturbation is not linked to the availability of a sexual partner, but is a natural way to explore and experience our own body, to connect with what we love,” he says. And he adds: “Self-knowledge is what will make any encounter we have with another person satisfactory. »

The specialist specifies that, if we do not have this link with our own satisfaction, we cannot leave our pleasure in the hands of another, because, if he does something that we do not like, we run the risk of thinking that it is our fault or that “we are not made for this”.

Although there is no established standard and each person has their own preferences, it is true that for men the act of touching is much more naturalized and even considered a necessity. According to study According to Womanizer, men pleasure themselves 2.8 times per week, twice as much as women, who do it 1.4 times over the same period.

“It’s much more naturalized for them, because they see it as a necessity, as if it’s part of their instinct, whereas women have been judged for this for decades,” says Henríquez. “Men are constantly stimulated in this society and women, on the contrary, have been silenced over time. It’s difficult for us to connect with our own sexuality without thinking about these limiting beliefs we have that if we express ourselves we will be classified in a certain way.

Although in theory masturbation has no age limit and many older women continue to explore their sexuality in healthy ways, Javiera Henríquez believes that older women, in general, are disconnected from their bodies. This often happens because of their history and upbringing. “We always say that for men it is a necessity until the end of their lives, but that women seem to reach menopause and there is castration. But it doesn’t have to be that way,” he says.

What can happen is that after menopause there is a decrease in lubrication on a hormonal level, but many women rediscover their sexuality after their children leave home. According to the expert, at this stage they have more time for themselves and more moments of intimacy that they have not had throughout their lives.

The psychologist and sexologist Javiera Urrutia adds that although sexuality changes in adulthood, since it may not be so genital, there are women who continue to have desire after menopause and that this does not does not mark the end of sexuality.

The percentage of women who achieve orgasm solely through vaginal penetration is between 20 and 30%. This means that almost 80% of women need external stimulation (on the clitoris or other parts of the body) to achieve orgasm, according to one study. article from ABC.

“Most believe that through penetration they will reach orgasm, but on the contrary, the clitoris, if stimulated with a manual technique, is more important than anything else,” explains Henríquez.

In Javiera Urrutia’s experience, many women find it easier to reach orgasm through masturbation than with their partner. “That’s because the couple increases the yield, and there are some thoughts about the type: “how it happened”, “how it happened”, “how much I felt like it was going to happen” “I felt good” , among others.

Masturbation does not exclude satisfaction in a relationship. This can be a normal form of self-exploration, regardless of relationship status.

Javiera Henríquez suggests that this myth comes from rather sexist thinking because man believes that it is only through him that we can satisfy ourselves. “The responsibility for sexual satisfaction is not in the hands of others, it is in our own hands, and the most important thing, the closest we will get to it, will be to first know our vulva, our anatomy. “

Masturbation can be done with or without sex toys. Everyone has their own preferences and there is no one “correct” way to masturbate.

Experts agree that thinking we can only get pleasure through toys can even be dangerous. Vibrations can accustom you to a false stimulus, which is why Urrutia suggests alternating sexual activity with and without toys. Javiera Henríquez believes that in order not to fall into the idea that only through the object we will feel pleasure, we must take into consideration that, thanks to our hands, we can also reach great heights. He suggests that there are many other ways to connect, such as creating a warm atmosphere, music, candles, erotic literature, among others.

A common belief is that female ejaculation, orgasm and ejaculation are the same. However, Javiera Urrutia explains the difference to us.

Orgasm: It is the peak of sexual arousal characterized by intense sensations of pleasure and a series of rhythmic contractions of the pelvic muscles. This can occur with or without genital stimulation and is both a physical and psychological experience.

Ejaculation: In women, ejaculation refers to the release of clear or milky fluid from the paraurethral glands and is less abundant than squirting.

Jet: refers to the expulsion of clear and often copious fluid from the urethra during sexual arousal or orgasm in some women. This phenomenon is different from female ejaculation and vaginal lubrication. The fluid released during the injection is mainly urine diluted with small amounts of creatinine and urea, and sometimes includes secretions from the paraurethral glands. Contrary to what many people think, squirting is not an indicator of greater pleasure.

All three are independent processes that may or may not occur together.

Many women think that if they masturbate a lot, their sexual desire will decrease. However, it is quite the opposite. Urrutia explains that sexual desire is caused by our imagination and fantasies, and therefore being more connected to our body and thinking more about our sexuality can increase it.

“Testosterone and sexual desire in healthy women and men”, a study conducted in 2007, disproved the myth by discovering that the frequency of masturbation among women was closely linked to the desire to do so, that is, the more they masturbated, the more their desire and sexual desire increased.

Many women believe that if masturbation does not reach its peak, it is “failed” masturbation and full of frustration. “It seems that the orgasm is the trophy, so we miss the whole path that leads us to this place, instead of enjoying it,” reflects Javiera Henríquez. There is this pressure of having to reach orgasm and anyone who doesn’t reach it doesn’t feel good at all. But, specifies the expert, ultimately the important thing is to enjoy what we are experiencing at the moment, whether through caresses, connection with others and with ourselves.