“I go out and no one thinks he’s my son”: the story of a young mother in a wheelchair

At 21, Paula Miranda was in her second year of physical education pedagogy. At that time, the typical university celebrations at the beginning of the year were also celebrated. She was on her way to one, on her way to a nightclub, when she was in a car accident that left her a quadriplegic. He was in a coma for 20 days and then three months on a mechanical respirator. “When these things happen to someone, there is no other choice, you have to overcome and move on. I have been lucky to have always had a lot of support from my friends and from my family. They never saw me as “the poor”. It was fundamental, “says the now psychologist and who at 33 became a mother.

Before meeting her husband, Paula had the idea that she would never marry or have children, until they met and after a few years of marriage they decided to be parents. “We spent almost five years trying to have children and we couldn’t. Last year I had already assumed that I couldn’t have them. We were going to start the process to get treatment and wow! I got pregnant with Federico,” recalls Paula, who has been married to her husband for eight years.

How did you experience the wheelchair pregnancy process?

When I was pregnant, I had a hard time finding a good doctor. It’s a shortcoming that I’ve come to realize and discussed with other girls who are also roller moms. I went to the gynecologist and he didn’t tell me anything because of my disability. He left with a lot of questions and he sent me back with the same ones. Fortunately I found a doctor who followed me on Instagram and who was able to treat me in a special way. He completed the theory with my handicap, he informed me of my own condition.

And the delivery time?

I had a scheduled c-section which was not performed because I ruptured my sac earlier. I was very scared, I was super scared because there are things that happen to people who have my injury that you have to be careful with, like those that can be related to pain or blood pressure , For example. But the doctor and midwife were with me at all times and the caesarean went perfectly, I felt safe at all times.

After having Federico Paula, she encountered the difficulty that in Chile there are no products for mothers with reduced mobility, so she had to buy things abroad. “Technical aids are lacking, so to speak. I found several things on Amazon that work for me, for example, a special belt to carry Fede on my legs, another blanket to hang over my shoulder and give him a bottle without using my hands,” he says.

How do you do when you have to go out alone with him?

Due to my condition, I can’t move my hands, but I can move my arms, so so far I’m always accompanied. He’s just six months old, he doesn’t feel lonely or anything, so I prefer to be accompanied. I imagine that at some point I will be able to go out alone with him. We have a group of moms from the fifth region that we rely on a lot. I know I would end up resenting your support if, I don’t know, I had to go somewhere less accessible to me.

I imagine that public spaces are far from being designed for mothers and fathers with reduced mobility.

For example, changing tables are always very high, so for someone who uses a wheelchair and can move their hands, they won’t be able to. The lifts are also an issue because of space, as I need a full one for my chair and for the car. There are very small elevators in which you don’t fit very well either. The streets are also a problem, I can’t even take Fede strapped to me because I’m jumping in the chair through the holes and it’s not safe.

You are a person with many social media followers. Have you had to receive comments about your motherhood in general?

I believe that the social issue is what affects me the most. My milk arrived very late, not because of my disability, but about eleven days later. The social pressure I had was enormous. It occurred to me to upload a photo on Instagram giving Fede a bottle and I got a million messages bagging and telling me I was practically giving him poison. I think that’s one of the things that affected me the most when I was eating, because there’s the whole hormonal issue.

Have you encountered stigma related to your reduced mobility?

Yes, I still happen today to go out in the street and no one thinks it’s my son. They always ask me if he is my brother or if I am my husband’s sister. People never assume I’m Fede’s mother. Sometimes I go out with my sister-in-law and they think she’s the mother.

We are supposed to be on the path to inclusion. That kind of thinking should change a bit, right?

This has changed, but not much compared to pregnancy, for example, which is clearly linked to sexuality and we (people with reduced mobility) are still considered to be asexual, practically little angels. We think we can’t have a partner, we can’t get married. In fact, sometimes people ask me in amazement if I’m married. I think it’s a question of normalization and visibility, because we, people with reduced mobility or visible disabilities, are still perceived as people unable to do anything, as if we were a step below.

That’s why what you do is important, share your experience.

Yes, many girls in wheelchairs write to me. Some also became pregnant last year and asked me for medical data, for example. We are like four of us who have become good together and who support each other.

How was motherhood for you? Was it what you expected?

The six months following the pregnancy have been wonderful, because Fede is super calm. I was lucky that he slept through the night since birth, he is the ideal child. He’s used to our routine now. I travel to Santiago, fed up with work, to record commercials for retail stores, and we all leave together. What happened to me during the pregnancy was that I had super idealized it, but the first three months were horrible. I was in bed, I couldn’t even get up. I felt lousy, threw up every day and was nauseous all day. Around the fourth month all my symptoms started to go away and I thought “I’m finally going to be able to enjoy my pregnancy” and I got the flu. I was hospitalized for 10 days, on oxygen. After that, in the sixth month, I started enjoying it, I had my baby shower and all that. In fact, I have almost no before pictures. We idealize pregnancy, we think it’s all flowers, butterflies, and that’s not always the case.