It is often said that nothing compares to a mother’s love and that there is probably no bond stronger than that formed between a mother and her son or daughter. Even before birth. However, beyond the biological bond that exists between children and their parents, a more determining factor when talking about childhood well-being concerns the forms of upbringing.

As the popular phrase goes, “nobody teaches us how to be mothers”, so it is common for a mother’s own childhood experiences to determine what she, in turn, passes on to her sons and daughters. But raising as one was raised is not necessarily the right path, especially when mothers, fathers or caregivers feel that their upbringing has left emotional and psychological scars that they do not want to pass on to their sons and girls.

According to a study conducted by specialists from the Department of Psychiatry at Columbia University in New York, children of parents with mental health problems also experience the effects of this type of illness in their own lives. For 20 years, researchers followed more than 150 children whose parents suffered from depression to varying degrees. And the results are conclusive: “The risks of suffering from anxiety disorders, major depression and substance abuse problems are approximately three times higher in children of depressed parents”, explains the document. The study adds that these children are also part of a high-risk group for developing psychiatric disorders and medical problems that can begin in childhood and continue into adulthood.

Emilia Aguilera is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting and also creator of the Instagram account @criarsinmorirenelintento, in which he shares information, data and guides for the nearly 200,000 users who follow him and who seek to improve the parenting dynamics with their children. Emily explains that When it comes to child mental health, it is important to clarify that the influence is not solely maternal and that the responsibility also lies with parents or other primary caregivers. “The influence of the environment with which we interact is particularly important in the development of a boy or a girl, especially during their first years of life.

Here occupy the front of the stage the main figures of care, whose influence will be hierarchical. This means that the main attachment figures will have more impact on development than the secondary ones,” explains the specialist.

The mental health enjoyed by a mother, father or caregiver is one of the factors that will determine how that person relates to their environment. “It’s possible that a mother with postpartum depression may have more difficulty reading her baby’s cues, resulting in fewer contingent responses, or may even avoid bonding with her child. because it’s emotionally difficult for her to bear,” comments Emily. . Along the same lines, perinatal and pediatric psychologist Bárbara Riveros @sharedparenting explains that the mother’s mental health is directly related to the sensitivity of the mother’s response to the demands of her son or daughter. “In this sense, a more degraded mental health impacts the care and the bond with the children. Simply put, a calmer, calmer mother is more connected with her son, which means she reads her son’s cues better and responds to them more quickly.”

Both experts agree that Notions such as that mothers are the ones who pass the “bars” or their own unresolved internal conflicts to their children are more of a myth and more stress for mothers. Influence is given by the degree of closeness and there is no evidence that daughters are more influenced by mothers, sons by fathers or vice versa. “A particularly sensitive stage of child development is during infancy up to about age 5, as this is a time when children’s needs are met primarily by primary caregivers, who , in general, are the parents”, he specifies Barbara.

However, the fact that a mother or caregiver is dealing with her own mental health issues does not imply condemnation of the children. As explained in the study by specialists from Columbia University, it is a greater probability but not a certainty. “This boy or girl is not ‘doomed’ to poor development, because how their other care figures manage to compensate for any difficulties a mother might have will be decisive” says Emilia Aguilera. “For potentially healthy development, we don’t need perfect caregivers: we need sufficiently loving and competent caregivers in environments that protect the rights of children and adolescents.”

But in the same way that more and more fathers and mothers are coming to see specialists for their own mental health problems that could affect their children – both Bárbara and Emilia agree that this is one more problem more prevalent in consultations – being aware of the problem is not enough. “It’s one thing to be aware and it’s another to work on the issues,” says Emilia Aguilera. “Being aware of locks is an important first step, but it doesn’t describe the whole process needed.” Psychologist Bárbara Rivera adds that being aware of obstacles “helps to better understand the processes themselves”. And this understanding promotes the intention to do things differently for children, which translates into the likelihood that children will have the same emotional and psychological difficulties. “If this awareness is part of a process of change, rather than crossing barriers, parents are models of relationship to the world, therefore, the worlds of meaning are shared with respect for the environment, people and of oneself”, comments the specialist.

In a society where, according to data provided by the World Health Organization through the World Report on Non-Communicable Diseases, one in four people lives with a mental health problem, deciding to face up to this type of difficulty definitely part of responsible parenting. The WHO itself emphasizes that the development of a mental health disorder is decisive for the well-being of any girl, boy or adult, since it is precisely this type of illness that constitutes the first cause of disability in the world.