What it’s like to be a foster family: the story of Francisca Aspillaga

Francisca Aspillaga You will never forget this family lunch. It was the year 2018, she was sitting with Jaime, her husband and their four children when he pitched the idea to them: why don’t we become a foster family, he told them.

“We had to agree all six of us. Jaime told us to think with our pillows and that in a week we would talk about it again, ”recalls Francisca.

The family knew exactly what that meant. At that time, Francisca – an interior designer and housewife – had been a volunteer treasurer for five years at a Sename house in Recreo, Valparaíso. Additionally, her two oldest daughters, both psychologists, spoke to their parents and siblings about the importance of building supportive bonds in the early years of life.

Various studies have reported the benefits of foster care over residence life. An environment of affection, protection and attention allows for better emotional and cognitive development of boys and girls. And a better development of their self-esteem.

In 2010, for example, the UN established that the alternative placement of young children must be practiced in a family environment. Similarly, UNICEF and the Latin American Network for Foster Care (RELAF) have urged countries in Latin America and the Caribbean to end the placement of children under three in residential centers.

For these and other reasons, the next day and not a week later, everyone said yes to Jaime. It was Sunday, they were all having lunch and not even 24 hours had passed since their marriage proposal. The whole family was ready to be a foster family. “I felt amazed, very grateful. I never doubted it would be like this, because I know the kids I have, I know my family well,” Francisca says.

Foster families are an alternative care option for children and adolescents who have been seriously threatened or whose rights have been violated and who, as a result, have been separated from their family of origin by court order. .

The idea behind foster families is that they are a protective space that welcomes minors while working to reconnect with their family of origin. If this is not possible, a permanent alternative such as adoption is sought.

But to get there, and knowing that a child’s temporary family can change the destiny of his life, the process takes a few months. Francisca remembers: they first contacted the María Acoge Foundation, External Host Families (FAE). After applying, they were assessed and trained.

“For about six months they visited us, they got to know us, they gave us various psychological tests. We went to meetings, they explained the procedure to us, they asked us how we raised our children, how we were, ”explains Francisca.

The fifth month of the process came the surprise: there was a bus that needed to be greeted .

At this moment, Francisca felt unprepared. A trip with her husband to Europe was preparing to celebrate their 25 years of marriage. Today, she laughs at this situation: “The little girls from the FAE used to say to me: ‘Pancha, when you had small buses and you were going on a trip, who did you leave them with?’. I answered them only with my sister or with my mother. So of course it was entirely possible that for a few days my 26-year-old daughter, my 25-year-old son or the 23-year-old would support us.”

Fifteen days later, Francisca and Jaime received a call from the Valparaíso office informing them that the three-month-old still had nowhere to go and that is why he was in an emergency foster home. “I’m Catholic, and at that moment I felt it was the Lord telling me ‘it’s not when you want it, it’s when I need you’ . I immediately told them on the phone that we would be the host family for this bus. That I was going to go on a trip, but that one of my children was going to take care of her for a few days”, recalls Francisca.

Shortly after, the bus arrived. Maximiliano, three and a half months . It came with many shortcomings. Until then, he cried and got very sick. She had withdrawal symptoms because her mother, who lived on the streets, had taken drugs during her pregnancy.

“When he arrived, we immediately adored him. He was an exquisite child, very similar to our son, but helpless, who had no one to hold him, to love him, to offer him unconditional affection. That day, I understood how people who adopt love their children, even if they are not blood. We treat him as if he were our fifth child, “recalls Francisca.

The foster family took care of Maximiliano for one year and six months. They took him to the pediatrician, they gave him all the vaccines, they accompanied him during – literally – his first steps. “We are all involved. This was all in times of a pandemic, so we were able to follow it closely together. After the health crisis, we took him for a walk, to the beach. Maximiliano had a lot of fun”, he comments.

In the process, Maximiliano’s father, who was in prison serving a five-year sentence for drugs and robbery, asked to take care of him. But the courts have established that he was eligible for adoption. After recovering with Francisca’s family, Maximiliano was adopted.

“When we said goodbye to Maxito, he was already a healthy child, easy going, who started talking, sure of himself, happy, surrounded by animals. He was a happy child, ”recalls Francisca enthusiastically.

“When he arrived, we loved him straight away. That day, I understood how people who adopt love their children, even if they are not blood. We treat him as if he was our fifth child,” recalls Francisca.

She and her family regret that the couple who adopted her did not allow them to continue to be part of her life. “It hurts us because we are part of his story, we would have liked to be distant uncles, so that this child no longer feels abandoned,” he said.

A year after Maximiliano’s departure, Francisca and Jaime received a new call. They offered to take on a new bus: Mia, a two-and-a-half-month-old girl who was in a home, malnourished, weighing only three kilos.

“We picked her up and also fell in love with Altiro. It was delicious. She was tiny, she had a lot of colds in her eyes, she was skinny, skinny,” Francisca recalled.

Mia needed a lot of love. And received it. After two weeks she started gaining weight, they put earrings on her, they bought her new clothes.

Of course, Francisca acknowledges that it was a more difficult time. They were no longer in quarantine, her eldest daughter had married and the others had returned alone, so she and her husband had to deal with the situation more alone than before.

Although Mia’s 17-year-old mother wanted to have her, the courts declared the minor eligible for adoption. Shortly after, in January of this year, Mia was adopted by a young couple.

Unlike what happened with Maximiliano, the entire foster family is currently seeing Mia. In addition, Francisca and Jaime are her godparents. “We are part of his life. We are their support network and that is close to our hearts,” he says.

Are they ready to continue being a foster family?

“I think that doesn’t give me the heart for another secondment. We are already 55 and we are going to be 56. We already have a grandson, my daughter works, so I take care of him a lot, but I would be ready to be an emergency foster family, to have the children , two months. I would like because it is difficult for them and I want to be able to help them. Also, I think it is important that the urgency that we have in Chile to have more people who are host families is known.

On June 11, the government launched the “The Power to Heal” Campaign , which is looking to add families to temporarily accommodate children and teenagers. The requirements are to be of legal age, not have a criminal record and not be disabled to work with infants, children and adolescents. You don’t have to be married or have children.

Today, the National Service for Specialized Protection of Childhood and Adolescence has prioritized the Foster Families program as an alternative care measure and has set itself the goal of eliminating children’s residences. less than three years (like Maximiliano and Mía) within five years.

Francisca pleads for these residences to cease to exist and for others like her, Jaime and their four children to become foster families.

What was it like for you to be a host family?

“It was and is giving unconditional love to someone who was not blessed to have it naturally on their own, who had no father or mother. It’s to stop thinking about self is giving to others, it is giving to a helpless person. I feel like as a family, we have cut the chain of poverty, of bad luck from these two children. We cut that chain as a foster family because now these kids have attachment, they know what it’s like to be loved,” Francisca concludes.