I discovered I had ADD when my son was diagnosed and the bond we have is unique.

“It all started because we began to notice in my son Bernardo, who is five years old, certain difficulties and delays in achieving the stages. We took him to a neurologist, therapists and a speech therapist. We had several types of diagnoses until we finally came to the conclusion that it language disorders and attention deficit.

During this diagnostic journey, I realized that we both have many similarities. That’s when I decided to evaluate myself and discovered that I also have the same one. I also realized that this has happened to a lot of people because all neurodivergence issues are highly hereditary. It has happened to many mothers that upon seeing their children’s diagnosis, they realize that they are also part of the autism spectrum disorder, that they have attention deficit or another problem.

What’s beautiful about this path is that through the things that happen to her, I remember what happened to me when I was little, and that helps me handle this as I would have liked. I realize how much he wants to be treated Also. I try to avoid certain behaviors that adults sometimes have towards things that people with attention deficits do and that we don’t realize, but which can cause trauma or problems with children. I try to make our environment aware that this hurts.

For example, we are often told that we are lazy or messy and that this is not the case, but rather that there are certain things that people are programmed to do. For example, brushing your teeth. People take it in, it’s a common thing and they don’t need to think about it. But for us, it’s hard to leave the room, to take so many steps, to brush our teeth. It’s a whole bunch of tasks that add mental load, and it’s exhausting. So we were both able to experience this journey together.

School was extremely traumatic for me because I didn’t learn anything in class. I relearned everything at home, so I lost a lot of time playing or doing things I could have enjoyed. This led to stress and anxiety that I still struggle to deal with today, as I was looking for perfection that I saw in others and it was very easy for everyone, but for me it was very difficult.

There were also other details that I never knew if they happened to everyone or if I was the odd one out. For example, I would get upset when people touched me, or I would get cranky if there was a lot of noise or stimuli. Sometimes my clothes, my hair, and just about everything would start to bother me, and I would have to isolate myself and put on headphones.

I see that in him too. For example, when he comes from the garden, he suddenly becomes extremely angry and it’s because he must be overstimulated and he needs to slow down a little. After that it starts working better. So I try to respect this drop in speed instead of saying, “What’s wrong with you? or “Why are you like that?”

When I was little, I didn’t know how to explain what was happening to me and now I understand. Of course there was a lot of noise, a lot of things going on and I was expressing it like ‘leave me alone’, I didn’t want any more. This still happens to me today. Sometimes I try things and share them with you, like using headphones.

When I was diagnosed, it was very strong. I also have a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, and after research, Many women with ADD are often confused with the diagnosis of these disorders. Living all the time with this problem of lack of attention, the feeling of being overwhelmed by stimuli, the disorder of everything. This causes us to have anxiety, and this anxiety generates sadness, so it was very difficult to understand what was happening to me.

It was good to know, but on the other hand, it generated a lot of emotions and questions about why my parents couldn’t see it, why I had to live like this my whole life. I always thought there was something wrong with me , but it wasn’t quite like that. It was part of a way of seeing the world which is different, which is not bad.

This has affected me a lot in my life and I still live under the stigma of, for example, being lazy. Often, people with attention deficit disorder suffer from paralysis. I can lie there and I know I have to do 10 tasks, and these tasks are sitting there waiting, I’m overwhelmed, but I can’t seem to get out of procrastination.

The first months were difficult. It was like receiving a lot of information and I fell a little deeper into depression. But after that, I started to do some research and find some materials that could help me. That’s when I discovered the topic of hearing aids, for example. I understood why, suddenly, certain types of clothing bothered me so much, like jeans or certain t-shirts. This is part of the symptoms.

Now I see that in everything it is always good that we both live the same way because generates a unique connection between us that few people will understand. Our bond is also based on my understanding and ability to guide him.

Now I worry about looking for, for example, cotton clothing or certain types of socks, or even certain types of underwear. Before, I was in a bad mood because all day long there was something in my clothes that bothered me, it was little things that I didn’t notice before.

I apply the things I learned to my son. I see what he prefers, for example softer clothes and more comfortable, less tight shoes. We see and make compatibility according to what he likes. With my experience, it is also easier for me to distinguish what upsets him or what could be more or less useful to him.

I wrote a book for my son called ‘ Bernardo’s world which was born from the search for a school for him. Traditional education cost me dearly. Even though I was a student with good grades, to get a six I had to lose my studies against another person who studied the same way as me and got a seven. It made me feel very stupid . I didn’t want Bernardo to experience the same thing, so I decided to look for a Montessori school. He seemed a little freer to me in the sense that he didn’t have to sit at a desk for eight hours and he could be more interested in certain things.

But they refused him, they didn’t let him in. This made me very angry. The reason they gave me was that Bernardo didn’t follow the instructions on the day of the test. But I have the impression that following instructions is learned over time, with a few occupational therapy sessions and family work. We could have done it. Maybe he was having a bad day or was very excited about the things he was seeing and didn’t want to follow directions, which I think is normal for a four year old. .

But they did not notice that he is a very affectionate child, for example, when a child falls, he is the first to ask: “My friend, are you okay? How can I help you?” very empathetic, very sociable and extroverted. Not everyone has or will necessarily acquire all of these values ​​that they possess as a good person. They couldn’t see it. Inside everything I’m grateful that this situation happened because for me, it was the driving force that pushed me to write this book. You have to look for the positive side of things.

Even though the book came from a feeling that maybe wasn’t so beautiful, I feel like I managed to turn that into something beautiful. I decided to turn this anger into something good and give it to my son. I want him to never feel diminished compared to others.

I wanted to convey that he has many talents that sometimes some cannot see because they are governed by a norm which is the standard. I would like to raise awareness that we are not all the same. Because if there are boys or girls who are good at mathematics compared to others who are good at painting, our society will consider that the former are more intelligent because physical and mathematical thinking is much more valued today . I don’t want any boy or girl to feel inferior to today’s educational standards.

The only important thing is that children feel happy with what they do and that they are respected and supported in developing the things that interest them.

Nowadays it’s very important to make it visible because I think, partly out of ignorance, a lot of people say that now everyone has ASD or that everyone has attention deficit disorder. What’s happening is that before, the tools weren’t there to be able to see it.

Today, they are available and it is important to take advantage of them to raise awareness. It is not only beneficial for children, but also for adults. It is essential that they understand that not all children are the same and that comparisons are harmful. If the older sister is sharp about something and the younger brother isn’t, that’s okay, they’re two different kids and we really shouldn’t compare them. We often begin to treat children as if they are not human beings. We should not treat them as something different, but as individuals with their own rights and interests, who should be valued as such.

My goal is to raise awareness of this, so that children are never measured by the same yardstick and no one feels less than another because they have a different and less appreciated talent.

*Coto Lechuga is an artist and writer