What are “energy vampires” and 3 keys to dealing with them, according to an expert in socio-emotional well-being

Have you ever interacted with someone in particular and, after those moments, felt more tired and less anonymous?

To be like that, It is likely that you have been faced with an “energy vampire” .

This concept which has positioned itself in popular culture refers to those who consciously or unconsciously “suck the energy” of others to satisfy their own needs. .

The director of Institute of Socio-Emotional Well-Being (IBEM) UDD Jaime Silva, explains to La Tercera that “it is obviously a term which is not psychology neither scientific nor formal, but rather colloquial and a sensible way of naming certain experiences this can be achieved in relationships with others.

However, he believes that This is useful because it allows you to express situations that everyone may face or feel. .

“(The term) has to do with the fact that there are individuals who tend to “capture” the relationship, in the sense that Your needs become a priority for this link. Human beings must maintain a balance between what we need and what others need. This is how we achieve social homeostasis, that is to say a balance acceptable or satisfactory, where on the one hand you are part of a group and respond, but at the same time you have your own needs, individuality and place.

However, This balance is disrupted when one party “begins to “capture” your behavior, your attention and, as the concept goes, your energy in different ways. .

“Afterwards, you begin to notice, worry about, and organize your life around the needs of another person . That’s what I would say, that’s what you feel when “it takes away your energy.”

When interactional links develop in this way, an asymmetric relationship is generated, where one person’s decisions overlap above those of the other.

“When is that Overwhelm, sadness, fatigue and lack of motivation are felt, because this context is created in which you do not have as relevant a place as the other in the relationship. », underlines the specialist from the Universidad del Desarrollo.

As mentioned above, An “energy vampire” can act consciously or unconsciously According to the case.

“In psychology, we say passive or active. The first can occur, for example, in a person who complains that things do not work for him, that he does not understand others, that he is ineffective. . Afterwards, Everyone should care about what they do, how they feel, and their ability to solve tasks or problems. . There the person is usually not as aware that they are doing or causing this in others.

On another side, An active manner occurs when “you try to manipulate the other to achieve what you want.” a scenario that usually occurs from a more conscious position.

Silva states that When this tendency to “experience one’s needs as being priority over those of others” becomes a lasting pattern, it is qualified as what we call narcissism .

“It can be seen in the couple bonds when one member becomes more controlling, authoritarian and defines what things will be done and how . This requires another, who is the one who tends to adapt, to be complacent, condescending. . Under these terms, “This individual would be a victim of ‘relational vampirism’.” .

This too This can happen in environments such as family, work or even in the close circle of those you consider your friends. .

But, How can you more accurately identify when a relationship is negatively affecting you?

The specialist says that a first marker is “when it feels very overwhelming and you start to feel like you have little energy to act in the world” .

There, you can already consider that “this relationship is hurting you”, because “Not only does it not make sense to you or is poorly connected to your needs, but it also leaves you feeling unmotivated. and energy for your daily activities.

So that you can protect your well-being And Mental Health Faced with the so-called “energy vampires”, the director of IBEM shared a series of recommendations to LT .

Check them out below.

According to Silva, This is the first point to consider .

“We must develop a level of self-esteem sufficient to be able to protect your own needs and establish appropriate relationships “.

SO, you will be able to reduce the risks of an “energy vampire” interfering with your perception and actions what are you doing.

“If I don’t know what I need, how can I express it and connect it?” he stated.

That’s why look for the things that interest you or displease you the most promises to help you feel better not only about yourself, but also about your interactions with other people.

Although it is important to take emotional precautions, You can’t live with peace of mind if you’re constantly thinking about who might qualify. like “energy vampires”.

In this sense, Silva suggested that “You also need to identify when a person has reasonable needs and when they don’t. and for this, we must show empathy.

According to the IBEM director, this advantage and the two mentioned above form “a combination that This allows us to rediscover what seems essential to me in the end: learning to balance relationships. with others”.

“It’s not just that there is a toxic person. We may engage in behavior that begins to go against our own needs. by condescension, excessive complacency or adaptability (…) It’s not just about learning how to behave towards others, but often also how to behave towards yourself. sentence to LT.

Notably It is always advisable to consult a specialist if you feel that a particular situation or case is affecting you. .