Rainbow pregnancy: grief and hope after the loss of a child

When we talk about pregnancy probably the illusion of a mother looking forward to it bus is one of the first notions that comes to mind. But for many women, even those who longed for motherhood, the nine months of waiting are a time full of apprehension . That’s how he says it Stephanie Gallant , a midwife, who at 33 was impatiently awaiting her son Noah but for whom things did not go as planned. “At around 23 weeks I started to feel very strange. Everything happened quickly and Noah was born at 24 weeks by an emergency caesarean because of danger of death,” he recalls. “We both stayed in intensive care units. Noah died at 24 days of life.

Today, dedicated to working as a therapist in perinatal and gestational bereavement, Stéphanie is the creator of the Instagram account @maternidad_azul and is also a member of Duel and Rainbow training and support center , because she knows that in a future pregnancy, perhaps the most common feeling is insecurity. “It’s all apprehension,” he confirms. “From finding the pregnancy until that positive test comes in, then that first ultrasound with positive heartbeats. And so on,” she explains after accompanying other women in the grieving process and also in the experience of motherhood after bereavement. “Uncertainty is present at all times and is difficult to manage.”

There is a very conscious resistance to enthusiasm and confidence. It’s a difficult experience, things can go wrong, nobody told you. You lived it and it can happen again,” he explains.

And it is that in a process of rainbow gestation – as the pregnancies that occur after the loss of a child are called – instability, fear and grief can contaminate the joy that the news of a baby usually brings. That’s how he explains it Maria Ignacia Lagunas perinatal psychologist, doula and member of the Chilean Perinatal Mental Health Network . “In a rainbow pregnancy, there is often a lot of anxiety, uncertainty and fear,” she comments. “There is anxiety and stress because the possibility of the same thing happening again is very latent,” adds María Ignacia. Because the specialist specifies that thousands of women have experienced not only one, but several gestational deaths throughout their lives. This can turn a miscarriage, gestational or neonatal death into a threat perceived as imminent. Statistics indicate that up to 15% of women may have suffered a loss, and this number may be higher than the records indicate. because many women undergo spontaneous abortions without knowing that they were pregnant.

And although the College of Obstetrics and Gynecology of America provides data that 85% of women who experience pregnancy loss will have a successful pregnancy, María Ignacia Lagunas explains that for those who have experienced the death of a child, a new pregnancy, even the one who lives without fear can feel in danger. “Even when they find themselves in the situation of a pregnancy with less difficulty and the possibility that the baby may be in their arms and that they can lift it, women face mixed feelings of fear and sadness. , mainly because they don’t have control over the process. Because in the end, motherhood confronts us with this: understanding that there are many things that are beyond our control”, explains the psychologist.

And precisely for this reason, even after a full-term pregnancy and with a new family member in her arms, many mothers struggle to let go of this fear. “Although there are symptoms that may disappear when the baby is born, there are also other emotions, feelings or sensations that continue along the way,” says María Ignacia. The specialist specifies that it is not a question of the term arriving with the birth of a new child, but rather with the closing of a process. “There must be a process of accompaniment, of validation of the experience, of the mourning and of the emotions that arise along the way” comment.

The focus, according to the therapist, should be on working through this fear and the painful emotions that arise and not on looking for a way out at all costs, much less finding a replacement for this child who has been waiting impatiently. She adds that the social support and networks available to this woman are going to be a fundamental pillar because, although professional support is essential, it is not everything.

To accompany other women and be this welcoming community, Stéphanie decided to train as a bereavement therapist and create @maternidad_azul after Noah’s death. The midwife explains that if the fear of losing a child does not go away, it transforms over time into apprehensions of motherhood. But he adds that over time, you can also let yourself go to enjoy that phase of life that you still hope to relive. “I always had the certainty that I was going to become a mother again after Noah,” says Stephanie. “Now I look back and understand why this hasn’t happened before. And that’s because I needed to heal and have many more experiences. A son does not come to cure the absence of another”, he confirms. But even in the scenario where a new pregnancy is not a reality, Stephanie accepts it peacefully. Hoy hears that our siempre comes ese arcoíris después de la tormenta y explains that es un tremendo desafío para cualquier mujer replantearse la vida y ser capaz de redirect la energía a otros espacios y “abrirse a confiar que el camino puede ser hermoso de otra manera Also”.