Ten myths about sex that need to be eradicated

Even if the taboo around sex has diminished in recent years, there remains an aura of secrecy around the subject that is difficult to eliminate. The proliferation of sex therapists on social media trying to normalize this and bring it to the table shows how much progress has been made in sex education. but even so, these same social networks often censor their content for saying words considered inappropriate, such as penis.

Although there can be multiple reasons for this phenomenon, the fact is that even many adults who have been in relationships for years have difficulty talking about the subject, even with the same people with whom they practice it. This phenomenon around sex means that there is little information available at a glance about sexuality and desire itself, making it fertile ground for myth-making.

What is normal, what should be, what should happen. Sex is full of demands and expectations on how to experience it, but the reality is far from the same. Here we compile the ten most frequent myths that must be abandoned in order to live a more informed and above all freer sexuality, according to each individuality.

Men, just like women, don’t always want to have sex, and that’s normal. Stress, fatigue, the use of drugs that inhibit desire, raising young children or simply the lack of desire are factors that They influence sexual desire and affect men and women equally. Likewise, in both sexes there are people who are increasingly less connected to their emotions, which is why it is more difficult for them to connect with their own body and that of others. “Culturally, it’s accepted that women don’t want it, but if men lose sexual desire, their masculinity is called into question.” says Gianella Poulsen, head of the couples and sexuality therapy unit at UC Christus Health Network.

If there is no penetration, there is no sex, this is another common myth in society. Josefina Lazcano, psychologist specializing in sex therapy (www.josefinalazcano.com ), emphasizes that the sexual relationship can be the same, or even better, when the goal is not penetrative. “Couples who practice this method, sometimes to connect with their inner teenager, achieve a greater connection with each other,” he points out. Explain why A more varied and broader repertoire attracts curiosity, humor, knowledge of oneself and that of others, It also allows you to connect with the body more than the goal, and encourages play, fun and playfulness. “Long live touching without penetration,” exclaims the professional.

It seems that from adolescence to adulthood, we often have the feeling that the grass on the other side is always greener, but therapists agree that this is a myth. People generally increase or decrease the frequency of their sexual activity depending on what is comfortable for them, so there is no need to rely on it. Besides, what is “normal” in a relationship? How do you define yourself? Because around the frequency, duration or intensity of sexual relations, there is a world between people. Every couple is unique and therefore, what may be good or bad for some is not necessarily good for others. Gianella Poulsen recommends asking yourself questions to recognize what is good for you: what is the relationship between the frequency of sex and the times I think about sex? Would you like to change something? If sex was better, would you want to have more of it? With the answers, people will be able to know if, according to their own individuality, their needs are covered.

Hollywood and porn make people believe that reaching orgasm together is a crucial moment for a lasting memory. says Lazcano, but emphasizes that achieving this is not an easy task, and perhaps not fundamental either. To achieve this, it takes a lot of knowledge of the couple and their rhythms, tastes, gestures, sounds, and also an interest from both parties to achieve this, which is not always the case. “It’s not always essential, not everyone needs it or wants it, and the truth is that the process is much more important than the goal. This idea of ​​having to reach orgasm at the same time to have satisfying sex is unrealistic. Indeed, there are couples who succeed immediately, but they are the least numerous. It’s good that this happens for them, but it’s not important for everyone that it happens like this,” he emphasizes.

There are couples who have little or no sex and are extremely happy, just as there are others who engage in frequent sexual activity and are unhappy. “Being in a relationship is a set of variables and sex is just one of them,” explains Josefina Lazcano. Knowing how to communicate, making the relationship flow, having fun together, taking care of each other, respecting and supporting each other are also essential factors in a good couple. “Being a good or bad couple will depend on what they define themselves,” he says.

As the name suggests, fantasies are just that: fantasies. “Therefore, I can have them where, how, with whom and when my brain decides to have them,” explains Lazcano. This doesn’t necessarily indicate that I really want to experience them, just that they allow me to feel different things at certain times and that’s okay. “There is no need to count them or put them into practice. In fact, it kills them,” he says. Gianella Poulsen indicates that Fantasies are important for our erotic mind: “they allow us to imagine new situations, revive desire and give rise to creativity. Fantasizing about others does not mean there is a lack of love for your partner.

If sex is good, the vagina should lubricate itself, says the myth. Gianella Poulsen indicates that lubrication is the key to starting sexual play and achieving greater arousal. “A water-based lubricant can help make skin-to-skin contact smoother and more enjoyable at this stage.” , said. In addition, the vagina being very sensitive, its lubrication can be altered for many reasons such as menopause, sexual dysfunctions, or lack of connection with the person or even with oneself, so it is good to use a good lubricant.

Quantity does not equal quality, that’s a fact. Josefina Lazcano explains that Being a good lover is not determined by the number of partners, but by the person’s curiosity in discovering each other’s bodies and tastes. “Starting with an observant and respectful attitude is usually a good start to becoming a good lover. Maybe you’ve had many sexual partners, you’re always focused on yourself, and you haven’t been a good lover. Being such has much more to do with the search for empathy, curiosity and observation of others,” he says.

To maintain an active sex life, it is necessary to reserve meeting spaces so that creativity can flourish.

Masturbation is essential in people’s lives because it helps to know our own body, its rhythms, its tastes, its erogenous and sensitive zones, what we like and what we don’t like, and therefore it helps to recognize your limits, explains Lazcano. It is essential for healthy sexuality. The professional emphasizes that Masturbation can never be lost, neither in men nor in women. “It is not a replacement for the other, it is a companion. To be with others, I have to be with myself and I’m also more interesting if I have my own world. Both sides of the couple need to be clear about this,” he says. Poulsen also adds that individual masturbation helps regulate the desire gap of many couples where there is one member who demands more frequency than the other.

Contrary to popular belief, sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous. Gianella Poulsen explains that Sex in a stable couple requires predisposition, will and intention, and for the same reason, to maintain an active sex life it is necessary to reserve meeting spaces so that creativity can develop. In fact, many couples who consent to sex begin their relationship with caresses that allow them to reach higher levels of arousal to achieve desire. Lazcano also explains that there are certain stages in people in which sex can be spontaneous, but there are others in which help is necessary and must be planned. “Usually it’s the starter that costs, but then everything flows. Let’s remember this and everything will be better,” he said.