When the holidays bring back loneliness and sadness

We are approaching the end of the year and everything in our environment smells “Christmas spirit”: Christmas carols in supermarkets, lights decorating the streets, Easter trees in homes and advertisements of smiling families coming together to celebrate. Although the Christmas and New Year For many people, they are synonymous with eating delicious food and spending time with family and friends; for others, they awaken darker feelings like sadness and loneliness.

“There is evidence that feelings of loneliness and anxiety increase during the holidays. » explains Jennifer Conejero, psychologist at the Santa María Clinic and academic at the Faculty of Medicine of the University of Chile. “Additional economic factors and the expectation of having to have a good time and show it to others. All this is increased by social networks,” he adds.

The invisible pressure to experience happiness on these dates contributes to many people ending up feeling the opposite. “Socially, images of Christmas and the end of the year are associated with family reunions, spaces of celebration and happiness,” explains Alemka Tomicic, director of psychology at Diego Portales University.

The problem is that these expectations – inflated by advertising and social networks – generate a notable contrast with individual realities.

In Chile, one of these realities is the solitude which affects one in five Chileans and has a greater incidence in women, according to the Mental health thermometer of June. The most recent, the study Well-being today highlighted the worrying prevalence of loneliness among Chileans (31%). A feeling reinforced during the end-of-year celebrations, even for those surrounded by family and friends.

Tomicic explains that we can feel alone even if we have company. “Loneliness is characterized by an experience of disconnection from others, of not feeling part of a group and of having rather negative perceptions regarding the possibility of social support, something extremely important for well-being. being and health,” he says.

During this period, we also have the habit of taking stock – consciously or not – of how the year went, of what we accomplished and what we left half done, of the people that we have lost. “These dates determine a cycle that ends and some people may feel anxiety thinking, for example, that they have not achieved their goals and everything that is proposed for the year” explains Tomicic. “If it is a year in which losses have been experienced, this feeling of loneliness and anxiety can increase,” adds Conejero.

On the other hand, there are several small situations which, added together, can generate stress at the time of year when we are generally the most tired. In addition to organizing Christmas and buying gifts, there are family tensions that can arise from these meetings. Many people also face the financial stress of having to honor purchases and gifts. “It can be times of high stress with organizing vacations, the family tensions that that causes and coordinating gatherings when there are adult sons and daughters, blended families,” says Tomicic.

According to specialists, people suffering from mental health disorders could be particularly vulnerable on these dates. “This can affect people who suffer from depression due to feelings of loss or guilt over not being able to have fun and thinking that their loved ones are being dragged into this situation. “Thoughts of death may increase.” explains Conejero. “Anxiety disorders can increase due to the pressure to have a good time, but also from going shopping and being exposed to large groups of people. “Stress can affect your mood,” he adds.

Organize and synchronize the different end-of-year celebrations for family, school and the office. Buy gifts, plan, cook, decorate. Putting away school uniforms, putting up the tree, planning vacations. Make the money reach. The month of December is full of activities and meetings to plan and, usually, it is women who have to face this wave of tasks alone. It is a situation which, according to Tomicic, is recurring throughout the year and which tends to be exacerbated at these periods, in particular because it coincides with school holidays. “These activities are part of care work and, as research has shown, in Chile the task of ensuring the well-being of others falls to women” explains the expert.

This mental overload can increase women’s anxiety, says Conejero. “And over time, it also generates sadness and frustration of not being able to dedicate even a minimum of time to oneself or of not feeling accompanied during these periods, but only required,” she adds.

A first step, experts explain, is to keep moving forward. This doesn’t mean locking yourself in a gym or jogging: walking a few minutes every day can help.

For Daniela Morel, founding partner of Casa Siete, it is crucial at this moment reinforce physical activity to stimulate the secretion of what we call the “happiness quartet”: serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins, essential for physiological and emotional well-being. “Adopting healthy habits not only improves our physical health, but also strengthens our ability to manage our emotions and feel better about life in general,” he says.

Furthermore, take care of your sleep and avoid excessive alcohol consumption, which around these dates is triggered and in most cases only worsens the symptoms. “Lack of sleep and the consumption or increase in alcohol consumption influence the generation of a sometimes rather unpleasant experience,” explains Tomicic.

It must be taken into account, says the academic, that many people who experience loneliness and sadness during the holidays probably also feel this way the rest of the time. Collectively looking for ways to come together throughout the year could also be a way to deal with this problem. “I believe the best antidote to this negative loneliness and sadness has to do with connecting with others. It seems simple. It’s not the case, but it’s possible,” he says.

Conejero calls for thinking of those who may feel the saddest at this time and “visit them, write to them, telephone them to remind them that they are present for us.” Also regulate consumption and view gift giving as an opportunity to connect rather than a duty to fulfill.

It is very important to abandon social obligations to be happy at Christmas or New Year and to protect ourselves from situations that could generate further isolation. “Understanding that not being well is acceptable and normal. If this happens for very long periods of time, you can seek help from a specialist,” concludes Conejero.