5 Phrases You Should Never Say to Your Kids, According to a Harvard Parenting Expert

He well-being of children is one of the main concerns that responsible adults should have .

However, Although behaviors are often performed with the intention of improving them, some common behaviors can have the opposite effect. .

This is what the journalist and paternity researcher at Harvard University says, Jennifer Wallace who is also the author of books such as Never enough: when the culture of achievement becomes toxic – and what we can do about it (Portfolio, 2023).

The specialist, also a mother of three children, recently wrote a column for CNBC in which He listed a series of phrases that, according to his analysis, promote success instead of encouraging and contributing positively to young people. .

In this waythrough its use, they may be led to believe that results are more important than effort, which could also affect their Mental Health to their perception of the world, their self-esteem and their evaluation of their own progress.

According to Wallace, These are toxic phrases that are common and can generate a negative impact, so he suggested not using them. .

Below you will find what they are and the contexts mentioned by the expert.

It is normal to expect young people to devote time and effort to their academic pursuits. However, Wallace emphasized that Not all energies should be focused solely on school .

“For our children to thrive, they need to know how to contribute to their broader community. » he claimed.

By this he means that he It is recommended that they participate in tasks that allow them to help others, such as participating in volunteer work. . In his particular case, he said they did it as a family.

“It’s a way to show my children that they have a talent or skill that they can use to add value to the world.” This could be helping a local organization they are interested in or visiting a neighbor. Wanna that they understand that they have much more to offer the world than a good academic record “, underlined the Harvard-trained specialist.

Although young people are advised to think in advance about the path they decide to take after leaving school, Wallace stressed that asking insistent questions on this subject in daily conversations can cause additional stress .

To avoid these scenarios, suggested scheduling these dialogues on a specific day and time, during which they can evaluate options once their school years are over. .

As an example, he said a psychologist he interviewed for his most recent book told him that She scheduled these conversations on Sundays from 3:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. during her son’s penultimate year. .

According to Wallace, following this trend with his helped reduce family tensions and enjoy the spaces they have to share generally.

Although it is wise to pay attention to the academic results of young people, the specialist stressed that Asking this question as soon as you begin a dialogue with them helps them think that their grades are the thing that defines them or the only thing that matters. .

As a recommendation, Wallace stated that As soon as they arrive from school, it is best to ask them how they spent it, what they ate or what they did during recess, to name just a few examples. .

That This can allow them to express how they feel and have a deeper conversation. which addresses several edges.

The abilities of each person are distributed in different ways, so demanding “perfection” in all areas is an aspect that, in addition to escaping reality, can cause high levels of stress and pressure in young people .

Yes, teaching them the value of effort is essential .

However, Wallace cited psychologist Lisa Damour to say that Children must be taught to “strive wisely.” .

With these words he refers to the fact that They must learn to manage their energy so that they can use it effectively and strategically. so that they meet the specific objectives they have in mind.

The specialist emphasized that Although this emotional state is important, saying this phrase opens the door to misinterpretation, as it can imply that one’s own well-being – or one’s essence – is the only meaningful thing. .

Instead, the author of the book suggested in his column for the aforementioned media outlets that It’s better to tell them that they are valued and have the ability to contribute to the world around them. .

Not only to feel good about yourself, but also to contribute to the well-being of others. .

For Wallace, This is a fundamental key to motivating them to lead “a life of meaning and purpose.” .