4 questions to ask yourself before thinking about getting back with your ex

We all believed in the story of love between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. However, after just two years of marriage, they confirmed that the singer and actress had signed the divorce, ending a relationship that began more than two decades ago.

Jennifer and Ben met in 2002 and a few months later announced their engagement. However, they postponed the wedding citing the pressure they felt from the tabloids and, After weeks, they decided to break off their relationship completely.

It was like this For more than ten years they were separated: Jennifer married Marc Anthony and Ben married Jennifer Garner. But just as they became single a few years ago, they decided to try again.

The actors got married in 2022 and touched the entertainment world with their reunion and love story. Jennifer wrote this “Love is beautiful, kind, and it turns out that love is patient. “Twenty years of patience.”

However, the couple has just separated again. This has led many people to ask: is it really possible to get back with an ex? Does getting back with an ex-partner guarantee a happy ending?

Elizabeth Earnshaw, a marriage and family therapist, said The New York Times that “I’ve definitely seen people who were in happy relationships for a long time get back together after a breakup.”

Anyway, “I would say it’s the exception to the rule.”

This is why, according to the article New York Times, Therapists recommend asking yourself these four questions before deciding to get back together with an ex to at least assess whether there is a better chance of a happy ending.

Even though it is a very obvious question, Lisa Marie Bobby, Marriage and Family Therapist he said The New York Times that It is important that the answer is clear among ex-couples who are considering giving each other a second chance.

“If you and your partner can’t articulate a clear response without becoming defensive or tense, that’s a red flag.” assured the expert.

If there is no clarity or there are still disagreements about the reasons for their breakup, the therapist recommends seeking help, like a couples psychologist, to be able to reconcile and better understand your relationship.

And they will have to meet again, without the obstacles of the past.

According to the Northwestern University Family Institute couple and family psychologist, Anthony Chambers , Loneliness can make a person nostalgic for what they’ve lost, but it can also make them overly optimistic about past relationships, even when they weren’t so good.

If your desire to get back together with your ex-partner comes from loneliness, “Maybe you’ll find it beneficial to date someone, or maybe you should think about strategies for finding a connection that has nothing to do with romantic love, focusing on strengthening your connections with friends, family and community.

Dr. Chambers recommended that if you really want to return to an old love out of nostalgia, You can take a piece of paper and write down the challenges you faced while you were in this relationship.

“The idea is not to dwell on it, but to have a clear mind about the past.” . It can also help you talk to your ex while you decide whether you want to give your relationship another chance.

For therapist Earnshaw, it’s essential to ask yourself if you would do things differently this time around. For example: “Have I changed what I want from a relationship?”, “Have I changed the way I communicate?” or “Have I changed the way I regulate my emotions?”

After, You must be thinking that your ex-partner might have changed too.

In Earnshaw’s experience, couples who are clear on this point often come back with success: “They can say, ‘Well, we’ve grown.’ We’ve gotten jobs. We’ve matured. We’ve gone to therapy. We’ve reflected on ourselves and we’ve had other relationships.

All of this new information will help you understand whether you and your partner accept and are comfortable with these changes. If so, it’s a green flag to meet again.

Dr. Chambers assured that, based on his experience as a psychologist,Some couples have found it helpful to have some sort of schedule, “like a lease. They say, ‘Let’s try this for six months. Then we’ll see if we want to renew it.’

Sometimes they realize they want to continue, but Others realize that “even with all our efforts, we seem to encounter the same problems again.”

And there are people who, in trying to return, do not change the fundamental problems that brought them to this place: “A lot of people waste years in these relationships, going down the same path over and over again,” Dr. Bobby said. So “it’s easy to get stuck.”

For this reason, it is important that everyone involved asks themselves the following questions: “Am I confident that if the same issues arise again, I will approach them differently?” “Will I speak up this time and set clearer boundaries?” “Will I leave soon instead of dragging things out?”

While these questions don’t guarantee second chance success in relationships, they can be a helpful guide to changing toxic patterns and trying again.